Sunshine, Pineapples And The Lions
The Age
Saturday July 12, 2003
Heading north to watch Brisbane take on the Tigers proves to be a footy trip with a difference.
The choice of places to stay in Brisbane include The Tangalooma Wild Dolphin Resort, Club Crocodile Toowong Villas, and Mt Glorious Getaway Cottages.
As it poured chilling rain in South Melbourne, it was tempting to imagine what it would be like to wake up on Mt Glorious.
Queensland is Fantasy Land. It's the home of the Big Pineapple, Movie World, Wet 'N' Wild, Warwick Capper and perhaps the greatest ever football side, the Brisbane Lions. It's also near the Gold Coast, where I did some supporter acclimatisation before the recent big match against Richmond.
I wore my Tigers beanie to the beach and me and my neon white legs splashed about in the warm winter surf. Frightened Japanese tourists took photos. As they pointed and laughed, it became clear this football trip was not to be taken too seriously.
I was staying on the Gold Coast with Kate Skarratt, a friend and world pro surfer. Kate did the stunts in a recent teen surf film Blue Crush. She was paid to surf five-metre waves in Hawaii, and be in a Hollywood movie. Like most other Banana Benders, she didn't give two hoots about AFL, yet was proud the Lions are back-to-back premiers - a common attitude up north.
When me and my Brisbane mate Bruce took our seats at the Gabba, I quickly discovered that Brisbane football people are the least educated and most annoying in the country. Fitzroy people would be horrified.
Behind us were two ``expert" rugby league blokes who spent the match making derogatory comments to any Richmond player, trainer or runner who came near the ball. Even after two hours, this was hilarious for the bloke who sat beside Bruce, with his son.
They lived ``on the Goldy", and Dad claimed to have barracked for Richmond for 40 years. But as soon as Brisbane kicked its first, it was clear his loyalties had changed.
His wonderful son of eight did barrack for the Tigers. But as Jason Akermanis began to fool us all with look-away handpasses, I tired of all the sun, the surf and the fresh fruit and I blew my top. ``Pineapples!" I roared.
I've never been a great heckler. Screaming ``Pineapples!" was a low point.
``What does he mean?" the Tiger kid asked Bruce.
``Pineapples are goals," Bruce told him, saving me.
``In league, we have meat pies. Meat pies rhymes with tries," one of the rugby league boys said.
``Back home in Melbourne," a guy in front of us joined in, ``goals are sausage rolls, not pineapples. What's a point up here?"
``Small pineapple," the kid answered.
Everyone nodded. That made sense.
The game was sold out (the Broncos game the night before at Suncorp Stadium was only half full). The Gabba looked and sounded wonderful. One magnificent three-tiered stand circles three-quarters of the stadium. Its white roof peaked and troughed like a row of tents in the Sahara. The other quarter of the ground is unlike anything I've ever seen.
Over the half-forward flank is a restaurant. Couples ate their grain-fed duck on crisp, white linen-covered tables, while they watched the game. Next to the restaurant is a pergola called the Brisbane Lions Social Club. It looks like a few planks and some tarpaulin.
When the match finished, the crowd sang along to the French National Anthem/Brisbane club song (the words were flashed up on the scoreboard).
Akermanis kissed the mud and then Bruce stood and shouted: ``This is the finest AFL club that Queensland has ever produced!"
There was much applause.
We headed out to Fortitude Valley for the night. I'd forgotten (and so, clearly, had Bruce) that Bruce was born with a limp. The pubs refused us entry, thinking Bruce was staggeringly drunk.
``I'll have you know I have one leg shorter than the other!" Bruce told one bouncer.
Brisbane is fun and happy and loves new toys like the Lions. But it's ultimately disappointing because it's a little naive, like a kid who's just learning to barrack.
It's a fantastic place to visit, but despite the winter sun, the pineapples and the chance to watch the greatest football side I've seen in 30 years, I'm just not sure I want to live there.
THE GABBA FACT BOX
LOCATION
One kilometre from Brisbane city. 1673 kilometres from the MCG by road and 1400 kilometres by air.
VENUE
A modern Colosseum. This famous, modern cricket ground is intimidating to visitors. Except for one strange pocket, the seating is angled so that viewing all around is superb. The crowd is a real mix of expat Vics, heaps of kids dragging in confused mums and dads and drunk Victorians with sunstroke. The ground is surrounded by small industry and pubs such as the Gabba Hotel and the Norman Hotel are just a walk away.
FOOD AND DRINK
The bucket of hot chips I had at quarter-time must have come from an award-winning potato.
Each chip was fat, hot and delicious and it was the greatest bucket of chips I have ever had. The rest is standard. Best bucket of chips in the AFL: $3.70, Super dogs $4, Meat pies $3.30, Spring rolls: $2.70, Coke $3.60.
PRE- AND POST-MATCH
The day before the game I stayed on the Gold Coast. It was 23 degrees, sunny and the surf was ``pumping". The Gold and Sunshine Coasts are one hour from Brisbane in opposite directions. In Brisbane, there are lots of pubs. I tried the Merthyr RSL Bowls Club in New Farm, with tables along the Brisbane River, and that was hard to leave. I ordered two stubbies and got change from $5 - that was hard to leave, too. In Fortitude Valley, we drank at Dooley's Pub but were thrown out when my friend Bruce, who has a limp, started dancing.
PEOPLE
Queenslanders are state proud. Parochial advertising dominates the media, as does the colour maroon. There's a huge surf and sport lifestyle here that explains the massive bloke culture. In parts it feels like ``old Australia". League and union are more popular yet people still love AFL. In both the cabs I took before the game, the AFL was playing on the radio. Although, the AFL report in the Sunday Courier Mail was 10 pages in.
CROWDS
Perhaps it was where I sat but the Brisbane crowd has no idea. Years of winning has done nothing for their barracking maturity. Then again, I am a Tiger and I could be bitter. The abuse was constant and was centred mainly on questioning a player's sexuality.
WHAT YOU'LL SEE
Richard Champion hosts a pre-game commentary on the big screen. There are heaps of kids with flags and a convincing Lion Mascot.
WHAT YOU'LL HEAR
Other than grade 6-level abuse, this is not a deafening crowd. The Brisbane fans are still finding their feet. Perhaps things are going just too well to be angry at the football.
ACCOMMODATION
I stayed for nothing with friends on the Gold Coast. In Brisbane, Mt Glorius was booked, so, through wotif.com.au, I found the Quest on Story Bridge Serviced Apartment for $119. Nowhere in the city is too far from the ground.
TRANSPORT
Virgin Blue charged $215 one way to the Gold Coast, and Qantas charged $140 from Brisbane to Melbourne. Both fares on the net.
The airport train is $9 one way.
© 2003 The Age
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