Column 8
Sydney Morning Herald
Friday September 8, 2006
More on weird washing instructions (Column 8, since Tuesday). "We have a number of Tantra brand printed T-shirts which were bought in India," writes Janet Rogers, of St Lucia in Brisbane. "Their washing instructions state: 'Hand wash separately in cold water. Use gentle suds. Do not scrub print or beat the shit out of the garment. Buy more Tantra T-shirts."'
Also from Brisbane, John Cox of Eaton Hills, responds to our contention yesterday that we "don't have a problem", but computer programmers and graphic designers do. "As a computer programmer with a partial understanding of the minds of graphic designers, I would suggest that our problems aren't serious - we just have compatibility issues. Like men and women, we are from different planets. Whilst I cannot say which planet graphic designers are from, it may be a good idea to preserve our sanity by putting them all back there, whichever one it is." "Honestly, if people couldn't suss out that Douglas Fergusson was having a bit of fun (Column 8, Wednesday), then really they should not be reading Column 8," huffs Colin Wilson, of Lower Hutt, New Zealand. "I thought the last line of Mr Fergusson's paragraph was very funny; but then, I haven't had an irony bypass." The man in question will be glad to hear it. "Whenever I came across such a solecism as 'would of' in a crime novel, I stopped reading," Douglas writes. "I thought my use of 'would of' was a form of irony. Sorry for causing apoplexy." No worries, Douglas. We knew what you were up to all along, and the readers who complained should of known, too."Will some brilliant Column8er tell me why my digital satellite pay TV signal breaks up during a thunderstorm or rainstorm, even though there is no problem with my electricity supply?" asks Julia Archer, of Dural. We assume it's because lightning emits not just light but radio waves, microwaves and all sorts of other waves that give your satellite receiver the heebie-jeebies. What Column 8 wants to know is this: if our mobile phone is sitting next to an AM radio, the radio will emit little burps when a phone call is arriving. Fair enough, some kind of interference as the phone connects to the signal, we suppose. But how come it often makes the same noise when there is no call arriving? Is someone hijacking our phone on the sly?Les Dalrymple, of Engadine, wonders "if everyone else has noticed that on the vast majority of Sydney taxi cabs, the numberplate lights are inoperative. Headlights, tail lights and brake lights seem for the most part to be fine, but the numberplate light is a completely different bucket of fish. Is there a conspiracy afoot among cabbies? Why do they do it, apart perhaps from not wanting to be identified as they decamp an accident scene or other traffic offence?" Surely there's a perfectly innocent explanation ..."Avast there, ye lily-livered bilge rats!" ahoys Judith Ridge, of Ashfield. "Have ye been hitting the rum pots again? Pirates say, 'Aa !' not 'Aaarrrrgggh!'." Zounds, we are undone!
© 2006 Sydney Morning Herald