Calling All Cabs: Kerr Heading To Sydney After Aerial Ding-dong

Sydney Morning Herald

Wednesday February 28, 2007

RICHARD HINDS

A QUICK news update for those AFL fans yet to make the transition from the silly season to the official pre-season ...

*West Coast star Daniel Kerr has spent more time in court than Anna Nicole Smith's lovers. Not sure about his skin-folds, but answering two assault cases in two days surely constitutes some sort of pre-season record.

By first being implicated in an incident at a party in January (he pleaded not guilty to assault charges yesterday), then dancing drunkenly on top of a taxi before ripping out the radio aerial and cutting the driver's face on Saturday night, Kerr demonstrated that some players are only role models if the role you are casting is a part in the next Martin Scorsese film.

AFL chief executive Andrew Demetriou took the unusual step of voicing his displeasure. But it seems Kerr will escape with the maximum $10,000 fine levelled by the Eagles and be available to play the round-one blockbuster against Sydney.

If so, you can only hope the next taxi the brilliant midfielder catches belongs to one of those vultures who circle Telstra Stadium demanding $150 for what should be a $50 ride back to the city.

*The AFL would refuse to confirm that the name of its famous medal was Brownlow if it feared the information would damage its brand. Yet it was remarkably quick to approve the naming of four players alleged to have breached its gambling rules.

The cynical might suggest revealing the identities of the four players who bet on AFL games last year is helpful to both the AFL and its partners Betfair and the TAB. What better way to answer those who see a double standard in the league's pointing the finger at gambling players with one hand and taking money from bookies with the other than to show how rigorously the policy is being enforced?

Of course, making sacrificial lambs of players who bet with agencies not contributing to AFL coffers will not be so easy.

*After just one week, the new interpretation of the "in the back" rule has coaches, fans and, particularly, players confused and frustrated. With defenders unable even to rest a hand on an opponent's back to brace themselves in a pack or to fend off a forward who backs into them, only a backman whose centre of gravity is near his shoelaces will be able to avoid infringing while simply trying to hold his ground.

The sensible solution is for the AFL to abandon the interpretation before a light touch on the guernsey results in a matchwinning free kick. But the word "sensible" rarely applies to the mad scientists now running the league's rule-changing laboratory.

*The AFL conducted an experiment during the Melbourne-Hawthorn match in which boundary and goal umpires were allowed to pay some free kicks. That meant nine officials had the opportunity to get a decision wrong. No truth, yet, in rumours that program sellers and winners of the lucky door prize will be given whistles next season.

*Channel Seven returned to the AFL after a five-year absence with games at the Gold Coast and Cairns. Unfortunately, some of the camera angles were so obscure they seemed to be searching for the ball at the SCG.

Given the difficulty of the conditions - the Brisbane-St Kilda game was played in a monsoon - judgement should be reserved. But can someone give expert commentator Tim Watson a key to the commentary box? His remarks lack fluency and authority while he is banished to the boundary line.

*Under what should be known as the Nando's Rule, the management at Telstra Dome has stopped issuing pass-outs so fans who leave the venue during a match can no longer return.

Telstra Dome officials cited "security reasons" for the change. Presumably, they fear there were dangerous explosives in the food fans were buying at new shops just outside the stadium and were not merely protecting the interests of licensed caterers who charge iniquitous prices inside the venue.

*There were also problems at the gates at Geelong last Sunday and fans were inconvenienced. Remarkably, given the press the AFL has generated a month before the first "real" game, thousands of people were trying to get into the ground, not out of it, proving yet again that for hardcore supporters, Australian football is not merely a religion but an addiction.